Category: Self Help

Just Like a Scary Therapist

by Jen Violi (Guest Post)

A truly terrible therapist I had was kind of like the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

In his classic A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens describes that ghost as “… a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him… Scrooge feared the silent shape so much that his legs trembled beneath him, and he found that he could hardly stand when he prepared to follow it.”

This ghost didn’t speak and basically just pointed to things, like Scrooge’s headstone in the cemetery, with a firm immovable gesture.

My therapy sessions were kind of like that.

It was the fall of 2009, and I’d moved to Portland that summer. During the cross-country move, my marriage ended. Soon after I arrived in Portland, I was laid off. Budget cuts, and all the writers were dispensable, etc. etc. I was wrecked, unmoored.

I’d chosen the therapist because I could walk to our appointments and she did some kind of somatic work that sounded good, but what I remember most about her was her creepy stillness. During our sessions, in a large parlour sort of room in a big Victorian house (there may also have been mist around her), she barely said anything and sat stone-faced across from me, as I wept away, falling apart.

When she did speak, her voice even and dispassionate, it was simply to point to something grave. What did you feel about this? Or how about you act out that moment? All of the acting and reacting and emoting came from me.

I wasn’t a fan.

At the same time, now I can see that those sessions were also lessons in learning to be with the void, the silence, to get under the surface chatter and sit on the ocean floor with the overwhelm of my feelings and choices that had led to that moment, to be with the consequences and repercussions of what I did or didn’t do, to be with the holy shit I have no idea what’s coming next, to be with the choice point of how I wanted to move forward.

Those sessions were a reminder that sometimes silence is the companion and that in its own way, the void, the unknowable future, also speaks, if we know how to listen.

In this Summer Solstice moment, this turning point, this space between inhale and exhale, I’m considering what it means to be a writer right now and have creative sparks. And I’m dancing with my own version of Dickens’ spirit, which I’m calling the Ghost of Flames Yet to Come. Dancing with what the fuck is next? With will I ever make something beautiful again? With how can I even think about writing when the world is falling apart?

As you may already know from personal experience, an encounter with this ghost can be uncomfortable, awkward, even scary. And yet, there are gifts. Since this ghost doesn’t speak in words, I’ll share a few things on their behalf:

  • Contrary to the reasoning for me being laid off in 2009, writers are not dispensable. Art is not dispensable. It’s vital. More than ever, we need our creative lives to navigate our way forward.
  •  Like Scrooge had to, as we face our own mortality in these rough and tumble times, we can choose whether to live our lives in fear, in the spirit of scarcity, and in isolation, OR we can choose generative, creative community.
  • If you’re wondering, as you witness or directly experience suffering, is this all my life gets to be? The answer is no; there can be more! During Scrooge’s encounter with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, as he decides to change, as he chooses differently, as he chooses to share his gifts and resources and to risk relationship, the ghost’s immovable hand begins to tremble. The future wobbles; a new path takes shape. Same goes for you, for us: as we choose differently, what once seemed immovable wavers, shimmers, shifts. The Ghost of Flames Yet to Come flickers. And what can we do? Follow that flicker!
  • We get to choose something other than silent, stiff, distant interactions. We get to choose interconnection. We get to choose sharing our gifts.

And if that’s what you want to choose right now, the Elemental Writing Ecosystem  is here for you, open to new members through June 24. And I promise you, the Ecosystem is full of good company, the kind of humans you’re so glad to see again and who are so glad to see you and listen to, witness, and root for you.

I know this moment is strange, scary, unsettling. And we don’t have to weather it alone. We don’t have to surrender our creative urges to Fear, however big it feels. Instead, we can nurture those urges in community. What we need to know right now as government and media stoke fear: Fear is a vitality killer. Fear is an imagination killer, when that—our imagination—is in fact what we need the most. Imagination will help us into and through the unknown of the future, of flames yet to come.

So if you’re afraid right now, that’s okay. If you feel wrecked and unmoored, well, that makes sense. AND, you don’t have to surrender to it, or be alone in it.

Instead, we can lean into creative cycles and processes, containers that feed and nourish our imagination. Which is what the Elemental Writing Ecosystem is all about. Live gatherings, a vibrant group of writers, weekly prompts and challenges and opportunities to share writing and connect, wildly different craft lessons, dynamic monthly themes and co-teachers like Thunder, Turtle, & Eclipse (That’s July – September). And it’s $47/month for all of that!

The Ecosystem is open to new members through Tuesday, June 24, and you’re invited. Here’s where you sign up.

Let’s face the void together. Let’s listen to the silence. Let’s stoke the fire of our imagination. While other precious voices are being erased, stifled, diminished, let’s be fierce in the use of our voices. Let’s make them a lantern to guide the way. Because we can.

Tame won’t save us, so let’s get wild.

By Jen Violi

Jen Violi is the author of Putting Makeup on Dead People, a finalist for the Oregon Book Award, as well as numerous essays, prose-poems, and short stories. Jen is the creator and facilitator of Elemental Writing, courses infused with ritual, writing, and remembering our embodied belonging to the natural world. www.jenvioli.com

 

What is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)?

— and How Can It Support Your Mental Health.

by Sandra Wiebe

In the midst of a busy life — juggling relationships, career changes, caregiving, or even just the quiet shift into a new chapter — it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected. For many midlife women, stress becomes a near-constant companion. But what if there was a gentle, evidence-based way to relate to stress differently — with awareness, compassion, and intention? Enter Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).

What Is MBSR?

Originally developed in the 1970s by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, MBSR teaches participants how to use mindfulness to manage stress, pain, and illness, encourages moment-to-moment awareness — noticing your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations without judgment.

It’s not about clearing your mind or achieving a state of bliss. Rather, it’s about learning to be with whatever is present, with greater clarity and calm.

Why It Matters in Midlife

The midlife season is often one of reflection and transition. It can bring hormonal shifts, changing family roles, grief, health issues, or questions about purpose and identity. These layers of stress can quietly build up, impacting your mental well-being and sense of self. MBSR offers a way to pause, breathe, and come home to yourself.

Through regular mindfulness practice, many women report:

  • Feeling less reactive and more grounded
  • Improved sleep and concentration
  • Greater self-compassion and emotional resilience
  • Relief from anxiety and low mood
  • A renewed connection with their body and inner wisdom

The Science Behind It

MBSR has been widely studied, and the research is encouraging. Studies show that participants in MBSR programmes often experience reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety, improved emotional regulation, and increased grey matter in brain regions linked to learning, memory, and emotional balance.
Put simply, mindfulness helps rewire the brain — creating new patterns that support peace, presence, and mental flexibility.

A Simple Example

Imagine you’re having a difficult day — perhaps you’re feeling criticized, overlooked, or stretched too thin. Instead of spiralling into harsh self-talk or numbing distractions, mindfulness invites a pause. You might notice the tightness in your chest, the swirl of thoughts, the urge to react. With practice, you learn to soften, breathe, and choose a kinder response. That’s the heart of MBSR — not avoiding stress, but transforming your relationship with it.

You deserve tools that help you not just cope with life’s challenges, but meet them with strength and softness. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction isn’t a quick fix — it’s a compassionate pathway back to yourself.

If you’re curious about integrating mindfulness into your healing journey, feel free to reach out — I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

Embracing Change in Midlife

by Sandra Wiebe

Midlife Transitions: How Counselling Can Help You Thrive, Not Just Survive

Midlife is often described as a period of significant transition. For many women, it can feel like standing at a crossroads—facing personal, professional, and emotional shifts that bring both challenges and opportunities. While some women embrace these changes with confidence, others may feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or even stuck. If you resonate with these feelings, know that you’re not alone.

Counselling can be an invaluable tool to help navigate this stage of life with clarity, resilience, and purpose. Let’s explore some of the common struggles women face in midlife and how professional support can make a meaningful difference.

Common Midlife Struggles Women Face

  1. Changing Family Dynamics
    As children grow and leave home, many women experience “empty nest syndrome,” a period of emotional adjustment that can leave them feeling lost or questioning their identity. Additionally, stepping into the role of caregiver for aging parents can introduce stress and emotional strain, adding to the complexities of midlife.
  2. Relationship Transitions
    Marriages and partnerships can evolve during midlife, with some experiencing increased connection while others face separation or divorce. Whether you’re navigating relationship changes, re-entering the dating world, or simply redefining your personal identity within a long-term relationship, counselling offers a supportive space to explore your emotions and gain clarity.
  3. Career and Work-Life Balance
    Many women reach a point where they reassess their career path, either seeking a new professional direction, striving for better work-life balance, or facing challenges in the workplace. The desire for meaningful work, coupled with potential ageism in the workforce, can create stress and uncertainty.
  4. Health and Menopause
    Hormonal changes in midlife can bring unexpected challenges such as mood swings, anxiety, fatigue, and sleep disturbances. These shifts can impact emotional well-being and self-confidence, making it essential to have strategies in place for maintaining both mental and physical health.
  5. Feelings of Invisibility and Self-Rediscovery
    Many women in midlife report feeling overlooked—both personally and professionally. This can lead to a period of self-reflection and rediscovery, where women seek to reconnect with their passions, purpose, and identity beyond their traditional roles.
  6. Coping with Multiple Stressors
    Managing a combination of responsibilities—family, career, health, and personal aspirations—can feel overwhelming. Many women experience burnout, anxiety, or depression as they juggle these competing demands.

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling provides a compassionate and non-judgmental space to explore these challenges while developing tools to move forward with confidence. Here’s how it can support you:

  • Emotional Processing – Gain insight into your feelings, reduce overwhelm, and find clarity during times of change.
  • Stress Management – Learn healthy coping strategies to handle anxiety, burnout, and life’s uncertainties.
  • Self-Exploration & Goal Setting – Define what truly matters to you in this phase of life and create a path toward fulfillment.
  • Relationship Support – Navigate relationship changes with confidence, whether that’s improving communication, coping with divorce, or rebuilding self-esteem.
  • Navigating Menopause with Emotional Well-being – Learn mindfulness and self-care strategies to manage the emotional aspects of menopause.

Practical Steps to Embrace Midlife with Confidence

If you’re feeling lost or uncertain about the future, there are actionable steps you can take to regain a sense of control and fulfillment:

  • Seek Professional Support – Counselling can offer guidance and validation as you navigate this transition.
  • Prioritize Self-Care – Whether through exercise, mindfulness, or creative pursuits, nurturing your well-being is essential.
  • Redefine Personal Goals – Midlife is an opportunity to reflect on what truly brings you joy and purpose.
  • Build a Strong Support Network – Surround yourself with like-minded women who uplift and inspire you.

You’re Not Alone—Support is Available

Midlife is not an end; it’s a powerful new beginning. With the right support and mindset, this stage of life can be one of the most fulfilling and empowering yet. If you’re feeling stuck or uncertain, counselling can provide the tools and encouragement you need to embrace change with confidence.

Ready to take the next step? Book a session today. Let’s navigate this stage of life together—with clarity, strength, and purpose.

Beyond Talk: How Yoga Therapy Enhances the Counselling Journey

by Claire MacEachen (Guest Post)

Research shows that mindful movement, deep breathing, and meditation can lower stress hormones, reduce inflammation, and improve mental well-being.

What Is Yoga Therapy & How Can It Help You?

Yoga is more than just poses and flexibility—it’s a powerful tool for healing. As a yoga therapist, I use pure movements to help reduce pain, down regulate your nervous system with breath work and stillness practices to integrate and heal. Unlike a regular yoga class, which focuses on general fitness and well-being, yoga therapy is tailored to the individual. It’s a holistic approach that considers your unique needs, whether you’re dealing with chronic pain, stress, anxiety, or recovering from an injury.

How Does Yoga Therapy Work?

Yoga therapy combines movement, breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness to promote healing. Each session is personalized, meaning we don’t follow a one-size-fits-all routine. Instead, I assess your concerns and design a practice supporting your health goals. For some, this may include granular movements to improve how your body moves. For others, it may involve breathing exercises to calm the nervous system.

The goal is to create balance—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The goal is to create balance—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Whether you struggle with back pain, insomnia, or high stress, in yoga therapy, I help you listen in to your body’s signals. From there you can start to build a library of movements as well as breath and stillness practices that you can access at anytime.

Who Can Benefit?

Anyone can benefit from yoga therapy, but it’s especially helpful for those dealing with:

  • Chronic pain conditions like back & hip pain, foot pain, tight shoulders, arthritis
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Post-surgical recovery and rehabilitation
  • Those wanting to get back to activities they love but have put them on the back burner due to pain and believing it’s not possible.

I believe it is!

Yoga therapy complements other care such as chiropractic, acupuncture and physiotherapy.

What to Expect in a Session

A typical session starts with a conversation. I’ll ask about your health history, lifestyle, and goals. Then, we’ll work through a sequence of movements, breath exercises, and mindfulness practices designed specifically for you. I may also suggest simple techniques you can use at home to continue your progress.

Unlike a fast-paced yoga class, yoga therapy moves at your speed. The focus is on gentle, intentional movements that support healing. Over time, you may notice less pain, improved mobility, better sleep, and a greater sense of calm.

Why Yoga Therapy Works

Yoga therapy is backed by science. Research shows that mindful movement, deep breathing, and meditation can lower stress hormones, reduce inflammation, and improve mental well-being. It activates the body’s natural healing processes, helping you regain balance and resilience.

If you’re looking for a gentle, effective way to improve your health, yoga therapy might be the answer. Whether you’re dealing with a specific condition or simply want to feel better in your body, personalized yoga therapy can help you find relief and restore your sense of well-being.

Interested in learning more? Reach out—I’d love to guide you on your journey to healing.

About Claire MacEachen

Claire trained at Functional Synergy, an IAYT school for yoga therapists and has been a teacher of yoga since 2008. She specializes in helping people move beyond pain and regain strength, mobility, and confidence. Through this work, she has overcome her own pain, grown stronger than ever, and returned to activities she once set aside, like running and weight training. This personal transformation fuels her passion for guiding others on their journey to pain-free movement—so they, too, can get back to doing what they love.

You can contact Claire at Body Motion Yoga to book a Yoga Therapy session or join a yoga class where she incorporates many of the techniques and principles of Yoga Therapy.

Breaking Free from Codependency

by Sandra Wiebe

Insights from Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Many women in midlife feel responsible for fixing situations or people, but Beattie teaches that letting go and allowing others to face their own consequences is an act of love, not abandonment.

As women in midlife, we often find ourselves juggling multiple responsibilities—caring for children, aging parents, maintaining relationships, and managing careers. In this phase of life, it’s easy to slip into patterns of putting others’ needs before our own. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a transformative book that shines a light on codependency, a pattern of behaviour that many of us unknowingly develop. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from taking care of everyone else while neglecting yourself, this book is a must-read.

What is Codependency?

Beattie defines codependency as an excessive reliance on relationships, often involving controlling, enabling, or sacrificing one’s well-being for others. This behaviour frequently stems from growing up in environments where love felt conditional, or where chaos and unpredictability required constant care-taking. Codependent individuals may struggle with setting boundaries, experience guilt when prioritizing their own needs, and find themselves drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or dependent on them.

Key Takeaways from Codependent No More

  • Awareness is the First Step. Beattie helps readers identify codependent tendencies, such as people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, and a deep-seated need for approval. She encourages self-reflection, helping women recognize the patterns that may be keeping them stuck in unfulfilling relationships.
  • Detachment and Letting Go. A crucial concept in the book is learning to detach from the problems of others without losing compassion. Many women in midlife feel responsible for fixing situations or people, but Beattie teaches that letting go and allowing others to face their own consequences is an act of love, not abandonment.
  • Setting Healthy Boundaries. For women who have spent years prioritizing others, establishing boundaries can feel foreign or even selfish. However, Beattie emphasizes that boundaries are essential for emotional health. Learning to say no without guilt, protecting one’s time and energy, and expecting respect in relationships are all part of breaking free from codependency.
  • Self-Care and Self-Compassion. Beattie advocates for putting yourself first—not in a selfish way, but in a way that allows you to nurture your own well-being. She discusses the importance of self-care, from physical health to emotional and spiritual practices. Midlife can be an opportunity to rediscover who you are beyond the roles you’ve played for others.

How I Can Support Your Healing Journey

If you resonate with the struggles outlined in Codependent No More, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. As a counselling therapist, I help women in midlife break free from patterns of codependency, build healthier relationships, and cultivate self-worth. Through compassionate support and evidence-based strategies, I guide clients toward setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and embracing their own needs without guilt.

If you’re ready to reclaim your life and step into a more empowered, fulfilling future, I invite you to connect with me for a counselling session. Together, we can create a path that honours your well-being and helps you build the life you truly deserve.

Finding Balance in Midlife: Caring for Parents While Caring for Yourself

by Lorrie Morales (Guest Post)

As a child, I loved the teeter-totter at the playground. Now, as I take my grandson to the park, he gravitates to the same equipment I once enjoyed. The funny thing is that when he sits on it, he fits perfectly; but when I try to navigate my legs and balance myself, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. It reminds me a lot of how life feels in midlife—trying to balance the needs of aging parents while maintaining my own responsibilities, self-care, and mental well-being. And then there’s the guilt.

For many women in midlife, caring for aging parents is a complicated emotional experience. You love them and want what’s best for them, but the stress and anxiety of managing their needs—while still working, maintaining relationships, and caring for yourself—can be overwhelming. The key to avoiding burnout is recognizing that you have limits and cannot do everything alone. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate this season of life with more balance and less guilt.

Open, Honest Conversations

The first step is communication. Sitting down with your parents to discuss their needs—both physical and emotional—can provide clarity. Are they struggling with mobility? Do they need social engagement? If they resist help, remind them that your concern is about their safety and well-being. Involving them in decisions honours their independence while allowing you to set realistic expectations. Sometimes, small adjustments—such as encouraging them to stay active or engage with grandchildren—can help them feel valued while easing your burden.

The big question many midlife women face is: How can I best support my parents without sacrificing my own well-being? If you have siblings, dividing responsibilities can help. However, for those navigating this journey alone, finding support is essential.

Build a Support System

If you’re the primary caregiver, it’s important to reach out for help. Friends, faith communities, and local organizations often have resources available. Many women feel they must shoulder everything themselves, but care-giving doesn’t have to be an isolated experience. Seeking professional caregiver assistance, meal delivery services, or even a trusted neighbour to check in can alleviate stress.

I recall a dear friend who recruited a small group to sit with her father for a few hours so she could attend her son’s wedding. At first, she felt guilty asking for help, but in the end, she realized how many people were willing to support her. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness—it’s an act of self-care and sustainability.

Prioritize Your Well-Being

Midlife is a season where stress and anxiety can take a toll on both mind and body. Many caregivers continue to work full-time while also managing their own families and personal commitments. It’s easy to put your own needs last, but doing so only leads to exhaustion and resentment.

Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential. Exercise, nutritious meals, and time with friends are not luxuries; they are necessary for maintaining emotional balance. Whether it’s a yoga class, a quiet walk, or simply enjoying a cup of tea without interruption, carving out time for yourself should be a non-negotiable part of your routine.

That teeter-totter of life will always have ups and downs, but you don’t have to stay stuck at one end. By reframing guilt and embracing self-care, you’ll be in a better position to care for others.

Plan for the Future

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your parents is preparation. Difficult conversations about finances, healthcare directives, and long-term care options are easier when they happen before a crisis occurs.

In my book We Can Do This! Adult Children and Aging Parents Planning for Success, I discuss the legal, financial, and medical aspects of care-giving. Being proactive can reduce stress and anxiety and provide peace of mind for both you and your loved ones.

If you find yourself struggling with stress, guilt, or the overwhelming emotions of care-giving, you’re not alone. Let’s find a way to balance the teeter-totter—without losing yourself in the process.

About Lorrie Morales
First and foremost, Lorrie is an educator. Over the course of her career, she has worked as a teacher and filled multiple roles associated with the profession. She has realigned her interests since retirement, but enjoys professional learning, designing, or working as a consultant and workshop presenter. She is an author of a children’s book, self-help book and a youth novel. She is also a contributor to journals and magazines.

As a counselling therapist, I support women in midlife who are navigating these complex challenges. If you need guidance in finding balance, setting boundaries, or simply a space to talk, book an appointment with me. Together, we can explore strategies to help you move through this stage of life with more confidence and ease. – Sandra

3 Keys to Happiness in Daily Life

It doesn’t take a whole new routine to instill a dose of happiness into your day—but it does take a little self awareness.

1. Be grateful for the good & the bad.

Research shows, grateful people are happy people. It’s also important to understand that happiness is not the absence of negative feelings. Gratitude is a focus on the present and appreciation for what we have now, rather than wanting more. Embracing gratitude, as a state of mind, can have a positive affect on all aspects of life including our happiness and overall satisfaction.

Up your mood by taking a moment daily to think of your world with gratitude. Start a gratitude journal or take a walk in nature paying attention to all the gifts around us. Think of a person that helps you on a daily or weekly basis – a spouse, parent, friend, pet, teacher, cleaner, or babysitter.

Quiz: How grateful are you? Take the Gratitude Quiz published by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

2. Flex your creativity muscles.

Do you have a passion or hobby? It doesn’t have to be a formal activity, simply engaging in creative thinking can enhance well-being by enhancing cognitive flexibility and problem-solving abilities. A recent study out of New Zealand, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology explains that creative activities can trigger an “upward spiral” of well-being.

“Practicing an art — no matter how well or badly — is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.” – Kurt Vonnegut.

Make some space in your day to create, even if it’s just for the sake of it. Try exploring unique textures or even natural and recycled materials to make something for your home or a friend. Looking for some tips on how to add more creativity into your daily life? Read this list of 101 creative habits to explore.

3. Get connected, Stay connected.

Being apart of something larger than yourself can help bring perspective as well as a sense of belonging. Scientific evidence strongly suggests that feeling like you belong and generally feel close to other people is a core psychological need; essential to feeling satisfied with your life. The pleasures of social life register in our brains much the same way physical pleasure does.

So take the time to nurture a friendship that is important to you. Make an extra effort to show you care, send a card, make a plan to have lunch, or give them a call and really listen to what they say. Smile and say hello to a stranger. Tell a story when someone asks how your day is going. Notice how you feel when you share something with someone new.

Struggling and need support? Join a support group and talk to others that can relate. Find your tribe: support.therapytribe.com – a free online support community brought to you by TherapyTribe.

TherapyTribe - Wellness Tracker Tip: Check out the wellness tracker. It’s a simple but powerful tool designed to help you remember the promises you make to yourself. As you complete wellness activities your tree will blossom, and so will you!

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