There is something incredibly appealing about being able to open your phone at two in the morning, type out what is bothering you, and immediately receive a thoughtful response. No waiting for an appointment. No worrying about whether you can afford another session. No wondering if you are taking up too much space. You type, and something answers.
For many people, artificial intelligence (AI), like ChatGBT and Claude, has become an emotional sounding board. They ask it questions about their relationships, their anxiety, their grief, their children, their work, their self-esteem and the things they are afraid to say out loud to anyone else. As a counsellor, I understand why.
I also think we need to be thoughtful about what we are actually asking AI to do for us. I am not anti-AI. In fact, I think there are some genuinely useful ways to use it for emotional support. But I would encourage anyone using AI in this way to understand both what it can offer and what it cannot.
AI can ask really good questions
One of the things I find most interesting about AI is its ability to ask questions that make us stop and think. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see it clearly. Putting our thoughts into words and having something reflect those thoughts back to us can help us organize the chaos in our heads.
You might ask:
What am I actually afraid of here?
What assumptions am I making?
What would I tell a friend who was in this situation?
What are three different ways I could look at this?
Those can be useful questions. AI can also help us find words when we don’t have them. It can help us prepare for a difficult conversation, explore our values, brainstorm possibilities or turn a jumble of thoughts into something that makes sense. And sometimes, when we are overwhelmed, having something respond immediately can be reassuring.
That is where I think we need to pause.
Validation feels good, but validation isn’t always the answer
AI can be incredibly validating.
Tell it that you are hurt, and it will often tell you that your feelings make sense. Tell it that you are frustrated with your partner, and it may explain why your frustration is understandable. Tell it that you are exhausted from caring for everyone else, and it will probably reassure you that you deserve support too. There is nothing inherently wrong with validation. In therapy, validation matters enormously.
But there is a difference between validating how you feel and validating the story you are telling yourself about why you feel that way. Those are not the same thing.
Imagine you tell AI that your partner did not respond to your text for six hours and you immediately assume they are losing interest in you. Your anxiety is real. Your hurt is real. Those feelings deserve to be acknowledged. But does that mean your interpretation is accurate?
A therapist may say, “It makes sense that you feel anxious when someone you care about doesn’t respond. Let’s slow this down and look at what you know, what you’re assuming and what else might be possible.” That second part matters. Sometimes therapy involves being gently challenged. Sometimes we need someone to ask, “What part of this is yours?” Sometimes we need to consider how our own fears, behaviours or patterns may be contributing to the situation.
AI can be so agreeable that there is a risk of hearing what feels good rather than exploring what might actually help us grow. Feeling understood is wonderful. Being challenged with compassion can be transformative.
Your therapist is noticing things you may not realize you are communicating
When you sit across from another human being, therapy isn’t just about the words you say.
I am noticing your body language.
I notice when your voice changes.
I notice when you tear up while telling me something that you insist is “no big deal.”
I notice when you suddenly become very talkative because we have moved close to something painful.
I notice what you avoid.
I notice how you relate to me.
Do you apologize when you have done nothing wrong? Do you worry that I am disappointed in you? Do you have difficulty trusting me? Do you minimize your needs? Do you need reassurance that you are doing therapy “right”? These observations can become part of the work because the way we relate to our therapist can sometimes provide clues about how we relate to other people.
And then there is history. Over multiple sessions, I hear the stories of your life. I begin to recognize themes, patterns and pain points. Something you tell me today may connect to something you told me three months ago. A problem with your partner may echo something you experienced growing up. A difficulty setting boundaries at work may look remarkably similar to the way you have learned to take care of everyone else. I am not simply responding to the sentence you typed today. I am getting to know you.
That accumulated understanding is an important part of therapy.
There is another question worth asking: Why am I turning to AI?
If one of my clients told me she was using AI for emotional support, I would not tell her to stop. In fact, I might say, “That’s great. I can’t be your only source of support.” I am not available 24 hours a day. I may not be physically or financially available every time someone needs support, reassurance or a place to sort through their thoughts.
Having additional tools can be a good thing. But I would also become curious.
I might ask:
Are you using AI because it is helpful, or because being vulnerable with another person feels too difficult?
That is a very different question.
Are you asking AI to help you figure out how to have a difficult conversation with your partner, or are you using it so you never actually have to have the conversation?
Are you exploring your feelings because you want to understand yourself better, or are you repeatedly asking for reassurance because the uncertainty feels unbearable?
Are you telling AI something because you want to process it before bringing it into therapy, or because you are too vulnerable to tell your therapist?
Those questions don’t make AI bad. They simply invite us to become curious about how we are using it.
Remember that AI doesn’t actually know the real you
I am a real person and I am not perfect in therapy. I can misunderstand something. I can miss something. I can get something wrong. But there is an important difference between a human therapist making a mistake and an AI making one. AI is a machine generating a response based on patterns in the information it has been given and the information it has learned from. It can produce an answer that sounds incredibly insightful and still be wrong. It doesn’t know the real you. It knows what you have told it. That distinction matters.
If you give it one version of a relationship conflict, it can respond to that version of the story. It does not know what your partner would say. It does not see your face when you tell the story. It does not know what you left out. It doesn’t know the stories you told six months ago unless that information is available to it in some form. And it certainly doesn’t experience a relationship with you.
That is one of the things I think we sometimes forget when AI feels remarkably human. It can sound like someone understands us. But sounding understood and being known are not the same thing.
AI can be a useful thinking partner, but a thinking partner isn’t necessarily a therapist.
And then there is confidentiality
This is one of my biggest concerns. People may assume that because they are typing into a computer rather than talking to a person, what they share is completely private. I would encourage people to think carefully before entering highly personal or identifying information into any AI system. You may think you are anonymous, but you might include your full name, your workplace, your children’s names, your partner’s name, your location, medical information, photographs, dates or very specific details about another person. Even without a name, a detailed story can contain a surprising amount of identifying information.
Privacy practices also vary between AI services, accounts and settings. It is worth understanding what a particular service does with your conversations, how long information may be retained, whether conversations can be used to improve the service and what privacy controls are available. If you wouldn’t put something into a public forum, don’t automatically assume it belongs in an AI conversation. And remember that when you are telling AI about another person, you are also sharing their story, not just yours.
So should you use AI for emotional support?
My answer is yes, but carefully. Use it to ask questions, to help you reflect or to help put words to something you are struggling to express. Ask open-ended questions rather than simply asking, “Tell me I’m right.”
Try questions such as:
What might I be missing in this situation?
What assumptions am I making?
What might be my responsibility here?
What would a compassionate but honest friend ask me?
What are three different ways I could understand what happened?
Those questions can take you somewhere much more useful than simply seeking reassurance. And pay attention to what happens inside you when you use it. If you feel calmer because you have gained perspective, that may be useful. If you feel compelled to keep asking questions until the AI finally gives you the reassurance you want, that is worth noticing too. If you are using it to avoid a conversation, a relationship, therapy or another form of human support, that is worth noticing. Because ultimately, we are human beings. We need other human beings.
We need eye contact, laughter, touch, shared experiences, uncomfortable conversations, repair after conflict, friendship, community and the experience of being seen by someone who knows us. Some of our deepest wounds were created in relationship; many of those wounds need to heal in relationship too. In real time. In the real world. With real people.
AI can be another tool in your toolbox. It can help you think, reflect and find words when you need them. Just don’t let the convenience of a machine become a substitute for the courage and vulnerability required to connect with another human being. Because feeling better for five minutes is not always the same thing as healing.
And sometimes the most important question isn’t, “What can AI tell me?”
It is:
“Who do I need to talk to?”
